I tried to post this in the relationship advice community but got an error message that it should be here...
I'm Japanese (40F) and in my culture, sticking chopsticks upright into a bowl of rice is considered disrespectful because it's traditionally done at funerals or as an offering to the deceased.
Today at home, my boyfriend (36M) who is non-Japanese, stuck his chopsticks vertically into his rice. I politely told him that it's considered disrespectful in my culture and asked if he could lay them across the bowl instead. He immediately said it was silly and refused, saying they'd fall off. I told him they wouldn't, but then he said he wasn't eating Japanese food so it didn't matter. I explained that it isn't about the food, it's about how the chopsticks are placed. He responded that we're not in Japan and that he wasn't changing what he was doing because he thought it was silly.
I calmly said I was only asking for a small favor out of respect for my culture. He then sharply replied, "Fine, I'll just use forks from now on!" So I took the chopsticks away and handed him a fork.
What upset me was how he immediately dismissed my request as "silly" instead of making such a small accommodation. I got quite angry and said, "You're just like all the other white people who love anime and collect figures but don't actually care about Japanese culture." He was shocked by that and later told me I was petty, cynical, and intentionally trying to hurt his feelings.
I gave an example of how whenever I have dinner with him and his family, they say grace before eating. I'm not religious and I didn't grow up doing that, but I do it anyway because I know it's meaningful to them. He responded that religion and culture aren't the same thing.
He also told me that during couples counseling, our counselor said we shouldn't have expectations of each other. I told him that's not why I was upset. I'm not angry because he didn't meet an expectation I had. I'm upset at how he immediately dismissed my request as "silly" and refused to make such a small gesture out of respect for my culture.
So Redditors, AITAH for asking him to not put chopsticks upright on rice since we are not living in Japan?